things i will miss..

i've been thinking about things i will and won't miss about tucson when we move.

the list is pretty long... on both sides... but i figured i'd start off on a slightly nostalgic note [as opposed to bitter or resentful] and state a handful of things i will miss.... maybe this will turn into a miniseries of sorts. and then if you're ever considering visiting tucson, or moving here, you'll have some info... on to the things i'll miss....

• the abundant sunshine. every day it is sunny and warm here. every. day.
• the well-planned infrastructure. because tucson is more recently developed and planned, it is actually laid out with cars in mind. [as opposed to much of the east coast, which has roads that were designed with horses in mind.]
• cheap, fresh, available produce. being a hop, skip, and jump away from nogales [where a large percentage of the US' produce enters the country] means that there's always healthy food options, and they aren't marked up to accommodate for gas prices... or revolutionary wars in africa.

[source.]

• not having to change the clocks for day light savings. daylight just stays normal. and that's kinda nice.
• breath taking sunsets. arizona and the west have some incredible, open skies... and they make for lovely sunsets. pretty much every day.

[source.]

•  eddie's food. eddie is the chef at the restaurant i worked at when i first moved here. and while i have enough negative memories of working there to last a lifetime [see this post] i keep going back there to eat, because the food is just. that. good. i think of it as so-cal meets mexican. it's fresh and light and delicious. my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

• the fact that no one ever expects you to wear stockings or pantyhose. ever. i don't care if it's a wedding or your grandmother's funeral. not. required.

alive. (reprise)

there are always lots of random influences in my writing. i embed lots of little references and jokes that i'm fairly certain that i'm the only one who gets :) and sometimes the references are even subconscious... but that's ok. :)

so for example, since i posted alive last week, whenever i see that word on my blogger dashboard stats thingy, i hear this in my head [even though the post's content isn't related to this at all]:





not that i've seen next to normal... i've just stalked it from the internet since "hey #3" first came up on my pandora glee/showtunes station and nearly made me cry right there at my desk. this is a real disadvantage of living in the west... broadway musicals don't come 'round these parts very often. and sadly, i think it closed on broadway and it's just in the national tour phase.

...but i literally just went to the tour page and they're going to be in DC in late june / early july... maybe we need to move a little early??? [if only it were that easy!! :) ]

reaping the whirlwind.

you know how in looney tunes [that cartoon we all grew up on that we later noticed promoted things like racism and smoking and violence] the tazmanian devil would spin around and make this cyclone??

source.

 
did you know that those dirt cyclones [sans devil from tazmania] exist?? they do. here in arizona. and they're a pain in the... well, the eyes, actually. and the nose and the mouth and pretty much any orifice you have. especially the ones that support essential life functions.

i feel like several of those have whipped through my life lately. it's a pretty busy time in my job... not only are my usual tasks piling up, but the institute i work at is hosting a whole barrage of workshops that have to do with this big and important move in education... which makes things exciting, and i've gotten to be in on a few of these projects... but add in the emotional upheaval that is/was/continues to be grad applications/acceptance... and the pending move to.... well, we're still not sure yet...

and i kinda just want to cry some times. not because i'm sad... because i'm overwhelmed. it feels like i'm being pulled in 10 different directions at work. and at home, all i can think about is getting ready for the next stage... beginning the cleaning and purging and packing... and i feel like i'm not really getting to rest... ever. you know, like that deep soul rest. or like i'm not getting that re-set that happens after a weekend or a vacation.

and so i'm sitting here, at my desk, at 4:20p on a monday, and i have 3 email windows open to write emails that need to go out today, and another 3 word docs open that need to be edited and sent out to my colleagues for their edits... and all i want to do it crawl into that small space under my desk where my feet are and close my eyes.

not going to lie... it's pretty tempting.

maybe if i locked my office door??

bad at follow thru.

have you noticed that i'm SUPER bad at follow thru?? it's true. i blame it on the curse of the over-achiever. never heard of that?? well, in my case, when i was a kid, i was naturally good enough at enough things that if i didn't like something (or naturally excel at it) i didn't have to do it. no one noticed. and i liked doing most of the things kids are made to do, like homework.

also? i had asthma. which means i *never* ran the mile in elementary school. never. i walked it. that's what the asthma kids did. now, my asthma was VERY mild... and running a mile would actually have been *good* for my asthma (helped me to develop lung muscles, increased my endurance, etc), but i think it was just easiest for the gym coach and the school nurse to just give me a pass.

source.

do you think i ever ran it just because i thought i might like it? have you met me??? no freaking way.

so i blame my lack of ability to follow through athletically on my A+ grades and my ass-mar. [extra points to anyone who can identify that literary reference in the comments. and steve, no, you're not elligible.]

so to MAKE myself follow thru, i'm doing this "Ten Day Slim Down" thingamajigger. my friend, brooke, is a fitness trainer extrodinaire, and she put the 10 day challenge out there... and i decided to prove to myself that i could do it.

so basically, starting yesterday, i'm doing the following...

#1. working out. [jillian michaels is my chosen form of torture.]

#2. eating right. this means freah, non-processed foods and whole grains. lots of veggies. meats that are lean, etc.

#3. drinking TONS of water. like literally, at least 4,000 lbs per day.

#4. drinking a shakeology. [it's a beach body product. if you want more info, ask brooke, b/c this is my first encounter.]

#5. drink a glass of fresh brewed green tea.

i think that's really it. it's not anything extravagant, and i don't have to eat special meals or cut out carbs (though i do need to be careful with them, and DID pass on the yummy looking potato and cheese dish at the church potluck last night).

floodgate.

so i told you that i was going to talk to my boss yesterday... well something that i really didn't expect happened... she offered for me to take my job with me. kinda. i should explain...

...so i oversee this program, which was new to my department. we had initial funding that covered my full salary for the first year. that year came and went, and while the program is growing, we're not fully sustainable yet. so i took on other departmental tasks, and we're writing grants to get more funding. so essentially, my boss offered for me to take the program part of my job with me... because honestly, it can be done from anywhere in the world, and apparently, that's how much she trusts me.

source.

we didn't make a final decision in our meeting yesterday, and we still need to talk to other people (basically other bosses too... and husbands... well, just mine, not hers... and not plural). but honestly, i'm not sure that it's what i want long term... but i think i might be leaning towards doing it... at least for awhile. i don't know yet...

the only snag is how much of my salary i get to take with me... and whether i'm going to work a 2nd job to compensate for our income, etc etc etc. blah blah blah.

anyway, i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop--because i feel like this is too good to be true. like i'm missing the snag, or the reason i wouldn't want to do this... it's crazy, right? who gets to move across the country and take their job with them... with little to no oversight?? and keep their stellar state-gov't benefits with them??? to another state?? this *can't* be right...

also? hopkins is paying to fly steve out to check out bmore. and i happened to have enough frequent flier miles to go too. and we're staying with friends. so that's good... we get to go do a little recon and it's not going to cost us very much at all. plus, we get to hang out with friends. downside? i don't see one.

i'm looking forward to it... i think the hardest part about moving is trying to visualize beforehand what you want your life to look like... and plan for that. it's especially hard in a place you've barely set foot in. [let's be honest, the hilton... while *lovely*... just doesn't count. we're not going to be living there. or working there. hopefully.]

yikes.

today is the day i tell my boss that steve got into hopkins and i'll *probably* be moving to bmore and i'll *probably* start looking for jobs out that way.... sooooooooo, i'm sorta kinda putting in my sorta kinda notice....

i know that a lot of people will think i'm crazy to give more than 2 weeks, but in academia, it's really good form to let people know well in advance so that they can plan. i know a mathematician who just scored a position at a university in the northeast, and she will begin there in the fall semester... so she gave our dept head her notice 2 weeks ago when she found out.

i'm not faculty, so the lines are a little blurred... but i really like and respect my boss, and she's not the type to use the info against me.

nevertheless, i'm still a little nervous about the talk. i hate "quitting" things. [ok, so not EVERYTHING, since it's abundantly clear that i'm *terrific* at quitting workout routines and healthy eating... but more on that tomorrow.] i like doing a good job, and seeing a project to completion. i hate feeling like i'm letting someone down or walking out on them. i know this is not the case, but i still feel that way.

luckily, i don't wear flair at my job, so it's not a super tense situation.

where i was: san fran.

so yesterday, i posted a really embarrassing photo, and promised to share my trip to san fran with you. i'm sorry to be terribly disappointing, but there are no golden gate photos, or pics of me hanging off a rice-a-roni trolley car.

instead, i took a copious amount of photos of the light fixture in the lobby of the oh-so-glamourous parc 55 hotel. [i do love it when we have nice conference hotels.]

they're those string-ball thingamajiggers. i shared a few links awhile back on my fb account about these interesting light fixture options. here's the "how-to" for you crazy crafters, and here's the listing for those of you who want the look, but just don't have the time or patience to try to make it.

 this shot is from the balcony above, and i'm laying on my side like ezekiel.

the incredible thing, though, is that in real life, they move. the little air currents make them turn, every few minutes or so, and very slowly, but in a very soft and dreamy kind of way. [think twisting slowly... not like swaying over head and you wonder if it's going to fall on you... more like, "wait, did that just move? oh yeah, it did. cool. look at the pretty lights."]

seeing them in real life made me want to try and make one... but they're really the kid of light fixture one uses when one has a GIGANTIC air space that needs interest. that's not really the vibe of our current place. who knows... maybe i'll find a job in baltimore that will make me independently wealthy and i'll make these for my grand foie. [or however you spell foy-yay... because i took spanish in high school, not french.]

wondering where all the REAL pics of san fran are at? we're getting there....

here's what i saw of san francisco:

yup. that's the street outside the parc 55 hotel. and that's right where i stood while i waited for super shuttle to pick me up in their bright blue van and take me to the airport. you know, i really feel like people talk up san francisco, but i just didn't see it. i mean, look at these photos!! where's the character?? where's the amazing art and food?? all i see are sidewalks and traffic. [and a severe lack of prii. that's the plural of prius. and i was told that was the only acceptable form of transportation in sf.]

basically, i feel lied to.

and here's a shot of the exciting part of my trip... the part where me and a whole lotta people got our flights delayed and stood around las vegas airport.

and this is a shot of the FAA security people having a convention in one part of the airport.

and this is the cutest little kid on the escalator in front of me. wearing frog rain boots. and a cute little backpack.

so there you have it... the real life details of my business travels... the high points being the hotel lobby light fixtures, and a small asian kid.

disappointed? yeah. me too. traveling for work is not nearly as fun as i thought it was going to be. but at least i finally got to see those string ball light fixtures in person. that was cool. :)

alive.

i'm posting this to tell you that i am, indeed, still alive.

i tell you this because i know that while you all are savvy, intelligent folks, not all who roam the interweb are... by way of anecdotal proof, when steve put in his applications to grad school, he deactivated his facebook and cleaned up his digital footprint. since he stop existing on fb, my marital status disappeared, and a few people asked if we had split up or divorced. one person even asked if he'd died. [because we all know that when you die, facebook intuitively knows this and deals with your profile accordingly.]

all this to say, i have not died. and we are still married.

but i am, however, exhausted. lots of work and lots of emotion make for a very tired little girl.

also? i had to fly to san francisco on sunday and came back on monday. i forgot my camera, so katie, you can't weird me out by knowing what kind of car i drive in my tourist photos :) [see this post, where she told me the make and model and year of the car i was in, in the comments.]

however, i did take a bunch of CRUDDY photos with my phone. [because that's what phones were made for... taking pictures.] and i am looking forward to sharing my slice of san fran with you lovely folks.

also? while paging through my photos on my phone, i found this gorgeous, over-dramatic one, taken the day after i got my hair cut... the day on which i decided to work from home.

the red bracket is to highlight the way my hair literally stood up off my head, like an afro.

the red arrow is to highlight a curl that clearly stands straight up [though i don't think that's the rogue curl i mentioned before, since it's a bit too long].

in other news... i still need a haircut. and i have another conference in like 4 weeks... tick. tock. tick. tock.

houston, we have an acceptance.

i feel like i want to puke right now... [no, this is not a special bulimic edition of mcfaaty, promise]...

steve got accepted by johns-hopkins!!!

yay!!! yay!!! yay!!!

and i feel like i'm going to puke because i'm so happy, but so sad by what's going on in japan right now... and i ate dunkin donuts AND taco bell today.

excuse me while i go cry and cheer and vomit.

and then fall asleep from emotional exhaustion.

hair-raising problem.

until a year ago, only two people had ever cut my hair:

1. my mother [who is a hairstylist], and 
2. my friend karen [who is also a stylist, and took over when i needed to move on from family hair cutting related drama].

my mom also has curly hair. and since her curls begot my curls, she was great at shaping my cut for my curls. and karen?? she's just incredible. she's given me a couple of different styles, and i'd always loved her.

...and then we moved to arizona. and i went 7 months without a hair cut. this isn't much longer than i usually go, but i had the new job, and my shapeless hair needed a more sophisticated look.

so i went to naturallycurly.com. i'd never heard of this site because i'd never needed it... i'd always had great luck with stylists. i chose a well-acclaimed stylist and made an appointment. at my appointment, i told her that i worked a lot with state level gov't people, and wanted to look classic and stylish... kinda like michelle obama. [not that i want michelle obama's hair, i just want to be stylish but classic like she is.]

so the woman cut my hair using a method i'd never seen before, charged me $65, and the only good part was the shampoo, which was done by the assistant. let's just put it this way.... i had a curl that would dry & spring straight out from the hairline at my forehead... making me feel like a unicorn. i also had a chunk of hair right below my temple that was cut *way* too short and when it dried naturally, it looked like a sideburn.

[source.]

did i mention that i got this hair cut 10 days before a department of education conference at which i was speaking to about 400 people about our program??

kinda like this chick, only it didn't look natural,
and there weren't multiple 30 packs of coors light involved... or were there?? [source.]

what was i to do?? i'm usually a headband-lover, and for my usual monday to friday, sure thing! but for this conference?? i don't think so. i mean, turn on C-SPAN... no one is wearing a cute headband. nor do they have an abundance of clips holding back unicorn horns or sideburns.

and to top it all off, i KNEW i would be the youngest person in the room, so to add a headband to my outfit was only going against the whole "i promise, i'm old enough to handle this job and earn your respect" look i was hoping to pull together.

long story short, i didn't get another haircut until i was safely back in new york, in karen's chair. in june.

which was my last haircut. which was 8+ months ago.

crap.

i'm in the *same* *exact* situation again. my hair is unruly and getting gross on the ends. and i have the same. exact. conference. coming up in a week. do i chance it again?? do i hold off??

get the word out.

hey kids.

i've been a bit mia around this here blog-o, and on my blog's facebook. my apologies if you've been living and dying by my every word. :) [though i suspect that's not quite the case.] people who are my friends in real life know that i am completely absorbed with the catastrophe in japan. like i'm linking to news sites 24-7 on my personal facebook, and i'm regularly posting "PRAY FOR JAPAN!!"

the way i see it, if even lady gaga is all about praying for japan, those of us who talk to God regularly probably should be too, right? thanks for understanding.

gaga is selling these for $5 ea. [source.]

sunday night i decided that i wanted to get the word out to pray for japan, not only via facebook, but also wherever i went. and my crafty side kicked in. i got a white tshirt from joann's along with some basic red and basic black cotton quilting fabric. i used a plate to trace a red circle for the front and cut out letters spelling out "pray for japan" in black for the back.

the circle was challenging but came out good. [i'd never had to maneuver a tshirt around a machine--it's tricky tricky!!] the letters turned out to be impossible for this sewing novice and career woman [i.e. i didn't have 20 hours to hand-stitch each letter on].

so i raided my craft supplies and found iron-on letters. score!!

here's the finished project...

i'm breaking all the rules of good blogging [i.e. taking ugly, pixilated photos @ night], and i pretty much don't like to post photos of myself... especially ones in tshirts that are TERRIBLY unflattering to me... but i think getting the word out about praying for japan is totally worth it.

so i'll be wearing this shirt... every day... until the immediate threats [of another large-scale quake, or nuclear meltdown] are passed.

what are you doing to get the word out??

also, if you missed my posts about my friends who live in japan, check out that post, and their website!!

to get the word out, and spread the idea of crafting to raise awareness, i'm linking to these parties.

update from tokyo.

hi guys.

remember my friends, amy and kazu, that i told you about a few days ago??

well, they updated their blog since the first earthquake. here's the link.

thanks for lifting them up in prayer with me.

new life.

to keep himself busy lately, steve planted a few seeds and containers to start a little container garden on our porch.

last week, we had the happy appearance of a few little sprouts.

nothing like a little green to breathe new life into our lately stalled existence.

sending love to japan.

hey folks.

pretty crazy what's going on in japan right now, eh? for awhile, i've had it in my "ideas file" to share with you my friends, amy & kazu kato, who work in ministry in tokyo. too bad it took a catastrophic earthquake and tsunami for me to get my butt in gear.

thankfully, they are fine. but there are still aftershocks there and many have died or are in unsafe situations.

i went to bible college with amy, caught the bouquet at her wedding, and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding :) i don't think i need to say much more to tell you how much i love these people, and how much respect i have for them. they both love God and his Word, and have given their lives to share love and grace with the japanese.

i know that many of you are followers of God, and know that when we see tragedy, God often sees opportunity. if you're feeling like you'd like to be a part of that opportunity in a way that is more than just immediate relief, check out the website amy and kaz have for their ministry.

they also blog [though it's not super frequent] about their ministry, and you can check that out on the front page of their website as well. their story is really incredible, and if you spend any time on their site at all, you'll know that they really love the people of japan and have such a burden to minister to them.

i just know that when these things happen in the world, sometimes we want to help, but don't always know of an avenue that matches up with our beliefs. from what i know of many of you... this matches up pretty well :) and even just having faces and names to pray for... that can help us to know that we're doing something that has a bigger, longer lasting significance.


please note:: this post is in NO WAY compensated for or sponsored by amy or kazu kato, or any of their affiliates. in fact, they don't even know that i'm posting it... and may not even feel comfortable with my pandering for them... but i'm betting that they have their hands full at the moment, what with the earth quake, aftershocks, and tsunami and all,  and aren't bothering to do a silly thing like read my dorky blog... :)

little risks.

last week, the nes-tah [yes, that is my street nickname for her] talked about taking risks. on my fb, i shared that a tube of red lipstick was going to be purchased.

as promised, here it is...

pretty, isn't it?? i didn't know that l'oreal was carving their name into the lipstick itself. it almost makes me want to not use it past that point. almost.

in other news, steve doesn't like it. i told him too bad and that i was going to wear it every day until he felt like it was normal for me to wear bright red lipstick. true story.

enter: rejection. [or, the audacity of hope.]

author's note:: i have, without exaggeration, been trying to write this post for a month now. and while the words still don't feel *perfect* i'm just going to go ahead and post this... 

where to begin?? where to begin??

[insert deep soul sigh here.]

so you know that my husband is applying to phd schools.... you know that that is why we moved to arizona a year and a half ago. you also know that this is why i might be moving again in 6 months.

after the apps went out, and while it was still a few weeks before we could expect to hear anything, we decided to be *very* careful about who and how we told what as we heard back. we knew that it would be a very emotionally-charged situation, and we wanted to guard against potential conflict with outside observers, etc. and honestly, we just didn't want to be unnecessarily or overly vulnerable.

but the hard part is that we're knee-deep in this thing, and i have to tell you, i've become an absolute basket-case. and this is not me being cute... this is me baring my soul to you.

[source.]

so far we've heard back from four schools. and we've had four rejections. intellectually, i know that this is typical. and i can even hear myself saying that aloud, to steve, as i tried to help him process the first few rejections. but by the third (and especially the fourth), i started to have some serious anxiety symptoms. like panic attack-ish stuff. i'm a pretty self-aware person... i admit, i go a little crazy some times, but i have the ability to calm myself... to put things in perspective... or at least to retreat and relax, and come back to the situation a more rational, reasonable person. last week, i somehow lost that ability.

i honestly don't know why i'm freaking out like this... but i am. maybe it's a lack of control over the situation?? [i admit this is likely, as i can be a bit of a control freak.] maybe it's because the stakes are so very high?? maybe it's just the fact that this is the culmination of two years' worth of sacrifice and derailed dreams, and so far, all i have is rejection as a result??

[source.]

and i can't really write about this. i mean, i can't even talk about it. my tried and true coping mechanism is denial. and let me tell you something--you cannot simultaneously be in denial and be verbalizing a problem. doesn't work. and the verbalizing gets my heart rate up, and my stomach in knots... and i start to feel my whole body get shaky from the inside out... which is why this is only now making its way onto the blog... and in very veiled form, with few details about the schools, etc.

so why now? why am i spilling my guts now, when denial is my self-preserving [and yet destructive] behavior of choice? because we still have to hear back from 7 more schools. and literally, God only knows when that will be. i am living every day waiting for the next text or email or call from steve to tell me about the latest closed door. and on top of that? there are forums where grad applicants can post their responses. so we are not only waiting to hear back on our apps, we also have access to information about what other people are hearing too.

i say all this... just to say it. just to put it on the table. to try to exorcise the anxiety. i need peace... and i'm having difficulty finding it. and we're facing the fact that we may not get in anywhere. and while that in and of itself is a bummer, it just calls this whole journey into question again, and launches us both into a crisis of faith. [oh, right, we're not supposed to admit that we have those.]

so pray for us. and for God's will. and for God's peace.

post script:: there is so much i am leaving out, and i may give more details in time, but for now, this feels like enough... i just felt like leaving this momentous *thing* we're facing off this blog was disingenuous. thanks for reading.

post, post script:: since writing this post a few weeks ago, we have heard back from several more schools and they have all been rejections. only a few more schools left...

adding excitement:: covering a lampshade.

we had an old lampshade. i decided that i wanted to cover it and promptly broke it. this is how classy and graceful i can be.

at the time, we were pinching pennies, so $13 at target was more than i was willing to ante up. so we waited. when we had money again, i took steve with me and we picked out a lovely white drum shade. it was full price, but i didn't care and was sick of the eye strain that i had at night... either from low lighting, or from un-shaded lighting. [some times, you just can't win, can you??]

when we got the white shade, it was so lovely and pristine that i left it that way for awhile.

also, this was during the time when i decided that i was going let myself relax and take the pressure off of home decor [the idea to cover the shade originated like 3 months ago, and i bought the fabric at least 2 months ago--i even showed it to you here.]

but after awhile, i got tired of how the lamp blended into the wall. and i still had that fun fabric. so this past weekend, i pulled out the ole glue gun and brought a punch of color to the wall :)

i love the small punches of orange and red and yellow :) it's cheery and happy, but doesn't take over the whole room.

here's a slightly wider look. the bookshelves are strewn with random items that have been left there, so i needed to crop some of the mess out :)

i like it :) and the best part is that if i wanted to take the fabric off, it's just a matter of gently pulling the glue off.

is it just me??

so it was bad enough when the middle aged moms were swooning over twilight. [like seriously... get a romance novel your own age, ladies.] but to be fair, i think those actors are really adults. [full disclosure: i never really looked into it... because i just didn't care all that much.]

[source.]

and then i opened my google reader to a blog written by a mom. she had taken her daughters to see the justin bieber movie. and she fell for him. [her words, not mine.] she swooned enough to write a whole blog post about it to not only admit her "crush" to the whole internet-ready world, but also to garner some kind of support by asking those of us who read her, "is it just me?"

yes. it is just you.

i mean... seriously???? he's six. teen.

may i remind you all what we thought of men who swooned over this 16 year old back in the day??

and where is she now??

ladies... for all of our sakes... let's just. not. go. there.

please????



post-script:: i try to refrain from any kind of negativity about fellow bloggers, or their posts. so i apologize if this seems directed at you. i purposely posted this SEVERAL days after the post that inspired this one, and left out names & links to protect the not-so-innocent. i promise to incite less drama in the future. but even in a drama-free zone, there are hills worth dying on.

why i suck at life. [aka mcfatty monday.]

i've been doing a little indulging lately, and a little emotional eating.

 [source.]

things have been stressful around here, and i'm sorry, but being skinny isn't as important as being comforted right now. [more on that later this week... i've been working on an update post for like 3 weeks... hopefully i'll stop agonizing over it and just hit "publish post" this week. the words don't feel right, or as if they don't *quite* convey clearly enough how i feel, but whatever... more on that later... maybe...]

so it looks like i'm going to be wearing the same thing at that conference in 2 weeks. at this point, i just don't freaking care.

the good news?? i only ate mcdonald's once this week. [double bonus is that it was only an egg mcmuffin, which is actually not the worst thing on the menu. yay me??] and i haven't been binge-eating... just filling up on junk. like a movie-theatre-sized box of milk duds. twice. [but hey, the box says 35% less fat that the leading chocolate bar, so that's ok, right??] i also had ceasar salad. twice. and when i did eat fast food, it was a sandwich. twice.

the bad news?? i'm back to the highest weight i've been in my life. [this fact was confirmed by the dr's office this week. no more scale-blaming for me.] i also didn't do the shred. not. even. once. but i did go for a multi-mile brisk walk tonight. so that's something. i also did it on monday.

let's just put it this way... i'm surviving. and that's good. and even though i may be making not-so-great choices, i don't look like this...

[source.]

here's to another week. my goal? let's try to continue to stay sane while maybe cutting out my milk duds addiction.

a request for background music.

something you should know about me... i am not a fan of bathroom humor.

one of my *very* least favorite words is the f-word. no, not that one... the one that rhymes with "chart." it's not that i'm prissy or ashamed that i have waste--i do recognize that these are normal human functions, and that everyone has them. it's just that i don't find those things humorous & don't want to make jokes about it or be compelled to laugh about it. or even talk about it, for that matter. k? k.

so this brings me to the real issue at hand: why isn't there music in public restrooms? i work at a university, which means that the bathroom nearest my office is a standard college-type bathroom. it's always clean [thank you, custodians!], and there's never a line. [maybe because i work on floor full of math and comp sci people? not enough women on our floor to make lines??]

but i do have one complaint... it's *dead* silent in that room. you can hear everything. and i mean ev. er. y. thing.

[source.]

now, i'm not ashamed of using a public restroom, and i don't have difficulty using one. (i know a few people for whom this is an issue.) however, if i happen to find myself in the stall next to my boss... well now, that's just a level of intimacy i'm not comfortable with. and i like my boss. i just don't think we need to know about eachothers' bodily functions.

let me be clear... i do not want to hear, and i do not want to be heard.

my solution?? elevator music. just a little kenny g in the bathroom would relax us all and give us the right amount of white noise. i know it wouldn't drown out all noises... but really, do we need to hear people unwrapping a maxi pad?? no. no we don't.

i know that i'm not the only one who breathes a sigh of "thank God," when someone turns on a deafening air dryer in a public restroom. [seriously, i knew a girl who would turn it on before she went in the stall. it made her more comfortable.] but what about towel-only restrooms, like the one at my work?? it's problematic.

do you think they would mind if i set up a little cd player in the corner, and hit play when i entered the bathroom?? would it be weird for me to have a soundtrack in the ladies room?? am i alone on this one??

why i hate blogging.

i hate blogging because it is pretty much impossible to talk about your blog in real life without coming across like some narcissistic drama queen. 

here's a sample scenario... i'll use my fantabulous friend, julia, as a prop...

ANN: hey jules! how are you??

JULIA: i'm great! so how are you?? did you ever finish that slip cover you were sewing??

ANN: [thinking to myself: well, i know that she's read my blog in the past...did she just somehow miss the post about the slip cover?] yeah, i did finish it! it came out great, i love it so much! [do i mention that she can read all the deets on the blog, along with tons of photos?? nah. that would sound too much like self-promotion...]

JULIA: well, i'd love to see it some time!!

ANN: [now?? now do i mention that there are photos on the blog?? ]

seriously, how do you chronicle your life and try to not talk about it to people.... because when i DO bring it up, i sound like some crazily condescending person who thinks that everyone she knows has nothing better to do with their lives than to read about hers.
 
who am i? paris hilton??

or maybe another attention whore... like the westboro baptist people. [i purposefully left the link out because i find them hateful and against everything that God, his Son, and the Word of God stand for.]

is it just me?? do other people feel like barney stinson from how i met your mother??

best form of flattery?

i love my button.

and i am so super proud of myself for making it. :) i only had a tiny bit of help from steve--he gave me feedback on the aesthetic. i should mention that ever since he started watching project runway, he's really been developing an eye for all things lovely :)

but every now and again, i look at the button, and i think...

"hmmm, why does that look familiar??"

and then i remember this....

is it just me, or do you think of a *very* young clarie danes when you see my button?

new eyes.

it's been more than a year and a half since steve and i took the long trek from new york to arizona. and with a potential move looming on the horizon, i've been trying to look at tucson with new eyes... to remember the beauty that struck me when we first came, and seal those images in case i don't have access to them again for awhile.

i had to be to work especially early this morning, and it was dark for a good hour or so after i got into my office. so i got to watch the sky slowly change color and witness the moment when the valley turns gold. i snapped a quick photo with my cell phone, because i know that if we move to seattle, these days will be few and far between.

and even now... as i look back out that window, the gold is gone and muted tones have moved in.